I remembered when I was a kid I couldn’t wait to turn 20, it’s this whole ideal of being independent, being free, and finding the “real” you. Then when I turned 20 I couldn’t wait to turn 21 because that’s where you can do whatever the freak you want to do. I could live on my own… which I know many people move out as soon as they turn 18 something called… going away to COLLEGE. However when you live in a world filled with Puerto Rican… excuse me New York Ricans parents who suffer from anxiety because they “seen” and “done” insane things during the 70’s. You’re lucky that moving out at 21 is an option usually its only when you’re going to get married.
So… this life I was suppose to have living in my own apartment with my cute little couch in my cute little living room. Having a real career, living in a real city with my real man who would cook me real breakfast. And… then… I woke up and I was 25 living in the same house since I was two, I was jobless and dropped out of school and the only man that was cooking me breakfast was my father… Dried up French toast. I had hit rock bottom I was the lowest of the low. I was so broke that my friends who were working minimum wage would have to help pay my food. I would have to use my mother’s card to get gas or if I wanted to go out to eat. I felt like a complete loser because at this age 25 “I should had been the CEO of my very own company.I should had been married living in a mansion out in Malibu”. I mean that’s what our minds and social media tell us.
Though I had a major breakdown and I think I had cried every night to be honest I did not celebrate my birthday that’s how embarrassed I was. But… I do have to say I’m glad I had to get to that point in my life to finally realize that life is not a joke and if I want something the only person that can help me is… ME.
IT”S OK TO CRY
I use to be so against crying. I thought that was for weak people or people craving for some kind of attention like they wanted everyone to pity over them. I noticed that I was the weak one I was in total denial about myself. I had to come to an understanding that everything was falling apart and I had to show some kind of emotion. Sometimes life can throw you a curve ball, your job that you loved so much you come out hating it. Your friends are all of sudden immature. You find out that now you have to pay school out of pocket. Whatever it is CRY IT OUT some researches had found out that crying can help you both physically and mentally. Crying flushes built-up chemical from our systems, while the mental release of emotions can help us cope with painful situations. Plus you get a really good night sleep.
IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP
At this age we feel the need to be so independent which is mostly true however things happen… life could be really good to you and then BAM out of no where life punches you in the face leaving you no option but to seek out help. Of course my parents helped me and I have to admit I felt like a complete loser but that is what parents are for to tell you “I told you” and then they fill up you gas tank. . I’ve also had close friends of mine buying me lunch not because they felt bad but because they simply loved me. If someone is offering you their help…Oh my gosh just take it! I guarantee if no one wanted to help you then they wouldn’t offer it in the first place.
IT’S OK TO START OVER
This is the biggest fear no matter how old you are. Starting over is like… is like literally starting over. You’ve gone so far in a certain direction in your life, you’ve worked hard for it, you had your daily routines for years and then having to change everything… It’s like you were living a lie this whole time. That’s the other fear we have is CHANGE! But news flasher! Change is good, having to start over can be the best thing that has ever happened in your life! For me I went back to school (which I was totally against it) changed my major…again. Working for a company that I thought I would never work for ( I can’t say, I still need that job). I got back on track and I started to appreciate things that never crossed my mind. Like actually saving money is a really good idea. What!!! Starting over can develop new skills new passions that you never thought you had. Also it develops character and in this world character and experience are the two most important things that I believe can make you succeed in life.
IT’S OK TO BE A BIT JEALOUS OF YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like everyone tries so hard to deny that they could be jealous. Jealousy is so normal it’s typical. Now if you let the jealousy get the best of you and you began to come in comparison with Kanye West. Get help. Jealousy can lead to motivation. My big dream is to live out in California and work in the entertainment industry and I shared that dream to one of my friends who also has the same dream. two years later she moved to L.A. Can you say… what the freak just happened. Of course I was a good friend and supporter her but deep inside I was bit jealous. I came to point that no matter what circumstance I face I ‘am not giving up and if I want something bad I will work hard for it.
I believe that within your 20s you’re suppose to hit rock bottom , you’re suppose to fail, things are supposed be confusing. Meltdowns are supposed to happen, relationships and friendships are supposed to come to an end. Only so that you can grow from it and to find your own identity what YOU like, what YOU desire, what makes YOU happy. This is the time to experience and to focus on yourself. Though I ‘am still on this journey but there are things that I have learned and I ‘ll close with this I rather go through this now then to find out years later that my life was not something that I had wanted.
ENJOY the rough seasons.
Angelica Semidey 